"Beware The Toxic Person"

You're having a happy day. You feel great. Everything is going right. The sky is blue, the grass is green and even the birds are singing. 

And then. Out of nowhere. Lightening strikes. It doesn't come from the sky. The jolt is from the negative energy of a toxic person.

You know the type don't you? The "energy vampire" who sucks out all of your good juices and leaves you like a shriveled prune. Their sour disposition can overshadow your good attitude and contaminate your well. Yikes!!!

Beware; you are entering the toxic zone. What are the warning signs? Who are these difficult people? What do they do that makes them qualify for toxic status? 

• They blame other people for their failures, mistakes and disappointments.
• They are quick to criticize, judge and find fault in others.
• They relish gossip and spread rumors.
• They belittle other people to make themselves look better.
• They are very needy and want their problems to be your top priority.
• They get what they want by laying on guilt, complaining or manipulating.
• They can be two-faced so watch what you say around them.
• They tend to be insensitive to other people's feelings and their bite can sting.
• They can be arrogant braggarts who are masters of one-up-man-ship.
• They find humor at the expense of other's shortcomings or misfortunes.
• They will try to recruit you as an ally to be a diner at their venomous feast (hence, the cliché "misery loves company").
• They can spin an elaborate web and if you unsuspectingly get drawn in, you can get mired in their negativity before realizing what happened. If you're not careful, they will eat you alive!

If you are one of these people, knock it off! Life is to short and you aren't fun to be around. Didn't your mother ever tell you, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?" You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.

Have I described anyone you know? It is scary, isn't it? Everyone of us, at sometime or another, has been infected by their poison. Have you ever found yourself walking on eggshells around this type of person so that you don't stir their wrath? Or have you held your tongue to avoid confrontation?

I like most people, trust what they say and look for the best in situations. As a result, when I'm sabotaged by a toxic person's negativity, I'm caught off guard. When the interaction is over, I'll review in my mind what occurred and think of all of the perfect things I wish I had said. Discretion is the larger part of valor.

Here are some tips that will help fortify you against the barrage of painful barbs that toxic individuals may throw your way:

1. Avoid them. Don't subject yourself to their punishment. They will deplete you if you allow them.
2. Use humor to take the wind out of their sails and choose the lighter side of life.
3. Counteract their hostility with compliments and inject a positive perspective.
4. Defend the person they are criticizing who is not there to defend themselves.
5. Put your foot down and don't tolerate their human chess game.
6. Change the subject and ask them, "What is the best thing happening in your life?"
7. Run, Forrest, run!!!
8. Maintain a positive attitude and don't give away your power. You are ultimately responsible for how you allow other people to make you feel.
9. Use upbeat words. Never talk down. Practice positive expectancy.
10. "Know that you are yourself a miracle. And believe you can make miracles happen by thinking, praying, believing, working and helping people," said Norman Vincent Peale.

My dear friend Mary Seals Evans once told me that unless she loves a person and they are significant to her, they cannot hurt her. If they try, she thinks of them like furniture and simply rearranges the room.

"I like me best when I 'm with you." Surround yourself with people who make you feel great about yourself and give you positive reinforcement. We are what we think and positive thoughts create positive results. May the force be with you.