EVERYONE wears masks, even when its not Halloween. The make-believe costumes in which we dress continue long after the days of childhood.

The trinity of our personality rests in who OTHER people think we are, who WE think we are and who we REALLY are. Sometimes its as if there are three people living in one body who have nothing in common.

We have very good reasons for wearing our chosen masks, at least that's what we tell ourselves. The reality, though, is that the masks prevent our authentic self from growing into our true potential. It also blocks authentic friendships. We must look beneath the masks to really know a person.

Why do we wear masks? To protect ourselves from getting hurt and to minimize fear. Fear of what? Rejection. Failure. Embarrassment. Insecurity. Exposure.

The irony is that many of the fears we let control us are illusions; not based in true reality. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Let's take a look at some of the common masks that we see among grown-ups:

The "Happy" mask. Put a smile on your face and don't let others see even a glimpse of the pain and hurt that reside within. Just keep your chin up and hide behind the smile so that you won't have to expose your sadness and vulnerability.
This one is my personal favorite. Guilty. If everyone thinks I'm always happy, they'll enjoy my company and like me, right? Usually, but sometimes a constant positive attitude grates on people.

The "Know-It-All" mask. They think they know everything and they're the first to tell you. While they try to impress others with their expertise, they often alienate people with one-up-manship. You'd think they'd realize this since they know everything.

The "Perfectionist" mask. This mask makes us look so good. Too bad it is unrealistic and unobtainable. Its an illusion to think that being perfect will make other people like us. The mask can only camouflage the blemishes for so long. When we accept ourselves, others are more willing to accept us. Rather than strive for perfection, personal excellence is a more likely goal and a lot more fun.

The "I've Got It All Together" mask. Everything is fine. I have no problems. I can handle anything. Can't ask for help because others may think that I'm not in control as I want them to believe. What a burden to maintain this illusion.

The "I Don't Need Anyone" mask. I can do it myself. Independence is a worthy goal, yet we all need someone to lean on. Who wants to be an island? Self-reliance is great, but when taken to the extreme, it can be very lonesome.

The "Victim" mask. Woe is me. Ho-hum. Life is so difficult, please have sympathy and give me special attention. Sharing my problems with you will validate my misery and make me feel important.

The "Busy-bee" mask. Look at me. I'm productive, important and have so much to do. Aren't I accomplishing a lot? Yes, but oftentimes at the expense of missing what is really important, like your son's childhood or your Mother's birthday.

Taking off our masks may feel scary and involve risk. Ultimately, we will find that it's safe and people prefer knowing the REAL you. Take off the masks, after all, its only Halloween once a year.

Susan Young
Fidelity National Title
http://www.susanspeaks.com