Forgiveness: willingness to stop feeling angry or wanting to
punish.
Which is harder: to forgive others or to forgive yourself? Both can be a challenge. Either way, you're only hurting yourself by holding in anger, resentment and blame.
First, let's talk about forgiving others. It is easy to hold grudges. People in your past may have done things to deserve your admonition. Most people have forgiveness figured out backwards. Your negative thoughts about others will inevitably do more harm to you than it does to them. They aren't the ones you're punishing.
It is a glorious liberation to let go of the mind chatter that preoccupies and binds us to resentment. Life can be terribly unfair and bad things do happen to good people. Granted, it is difficult to forgive when we've been victimized, hurt, betrayed or disappointed.
"Half the time, the "guilty" person doesn't even know what's going on in our head! The "guilty" party continues to happily breeze through life while we put ourselves through mental anguish," says Andrew Matthews in his book "Being Happy!"
When you point a finger at others and blame them for why your life is not working, there are three fingers pointing back at you. YOU are ultimately responsible for how you feel, how you act and how you respond. Blaming others is denial at its finest. Give it up. Take responsibility for your emotions. Your subconscious will be grateful for the break.
Second, forgive yourself. Internal guilt and shame can drag our self-image through the mud. Since you're human, you've experienced failure, shortcomings and imperfection. More than likely, you've made some embarrassing mistakes and regretted stupid decisions. Welcome to life. Believe me, we all have. We are fallible creatures.
Stop punishing yourself. Make amends to those you may have hurt and let go of your life sentence. Feeling guilty for the next month or the next 10 years is not going to do anything to change the past.
Angry, bitter people are making a choice about their quality of life. And, of course, they blame others for their misery. They do tremendous damage to their minds and bodies by harboring hate.
"Forgiveness is not the misguided act of condoning irresponsible, hurtful behavior. Nor is it a superficial turning of the other cheek. Rather it is the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past," states Dr. Joan Borysenko in her book "Fire In The Soul."
There are wonderful rewards that come from forgiving. The ability to let go and get on with living is worth the effort, albeit difficult.
The mental and emotional benefit is that we become happier people. An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh. By forgiving, we surrender to our natural propensity for joy. We are able to reclaim an inner sense of calm where we discard the stress that haunts our conscience.
"A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain," said Rambler.
Physically, we feel renewed from forgiveness. You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what's eating you.
Happier people live longer, healthier lives. Internalized resentments have physical manifestations. The stress of bitterness can be blamed for illness, disease, heart attacks, depression, fatigue, and migraines. Need I go on?
It is YOUR choice whether you get on with enjoying life or stay mired in the pain of the past. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Choose wisely.